uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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