she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
