I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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