Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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