I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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