Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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