question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
