just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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