it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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