Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
