well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They took my balls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
