Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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