Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
