Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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