I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
