i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I FOUND THE LEGS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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