mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
