I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
