When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's official drugs can't kill me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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