You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
