Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
