i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The uberlube is also flammable
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
