$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
