Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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