Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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