My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
