I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
