and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
