There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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