Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
