I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
