Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
