Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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