In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
