im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
