my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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