I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
