I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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