I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
