If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
