If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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