There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are the jesus of drinking
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
