So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
