I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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