Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
