Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Plan B is the new Plan A
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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