Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
