Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
