Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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