I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
