haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
