i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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