Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
