went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
