she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
