Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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