Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
