i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
