So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
