Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
