I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
