What did we do last night that was yellow?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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