My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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