is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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