he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
