did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
babies were throwing up all over the place
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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