the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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